Starting “The Conversation”

Aging happens. There is no getting around it.

Unfortunately, discussions about preparing for our senior years often do not occur as early as they should. Comfort Keepers^® offers thoughtful suggestions to help adult children and parents overcome the discomfort that sometimes prevents these essential conversations—whether about long-term care, finances, healthcare, end-of-life decisions, driving, or home safety.

The best approach involves careful planning and thoughtful preparation to ensure these talks remain positive and productive. Jot down key topics to discuss so nothing important gets overlooked. Rather than viewing this as a single daunting event, consider it an ongoing series of conversations. Tackling one issue at a time reduces intimidation and increases the likelihood of success.

Practical Tips for Beginning the Discussion

• Start early, while your parents’ health allows them to fully participate and express their preferences, ensuring their wishes guide decisions rather than unexpected events.
• Choose a comfortable time and place, avoiding busy family gatherings like birthdays or holidays. Opt for a relaxed setting free from time constraints, allowing ample opportunity for your parent to share.
• Include other family members, but meet beforehand to align perspectives and prevent unproductive conflict.
• Approach the conversation with care, expressing your concern for their well-being and desire to support them. Suggest documenting their plans to ensure they are honoured, and ask about tasks—such as home maintenance or bill paying—they might appreciate help with.
• Use effective communication skills: maintain eye contact, stay close yet respectful of personal space, and speak in a calm, clear voice to build trust.
• Share a personal story, like your own retirement planning, or reference a friend’s experience with a medical emergency to gently introduce the topic.
• Inquire about important documents—insurance policies, wills, trusts, banking records, tax returns, living wills, and powers of attorney—explaining your intent to be prepared to assist when needed.
• Ask open-ended questions to encourage your parent to share feelings, then listen attentively to understand their priorities.
• Offer options rather than advice, presenting multiple solutions and asking which they prefer to maintain their sense of control.
• Speak with respect, treating your parent as a partner in the discussion. Avoid role reversal, which might lead to resistance, and pause to honour their need for autonomy.
• Keep it simple: focus on opening an ongoing dialogue rather than resolving everything immediately, aiming to understand their wishes and needs.
• If resistance arises, involve a trusted third party—such as a doctor, clergy member, geriatric care manager, or friend with relevant experience—to facilitate the process.

Seniors Can Initiate the Conversation, Too

If you are a senior looking ahead and wanting to plan for the future, you need not wait for your children to start the dialogue. Adult children often hesitate to address their parents’ aging, making it empowering for seniors to take the lead.

If daily activities like bathing, driving, or managing finances become challenging, consult your physician or healthcare professional. Discuss your needs with family, seeking their input and support. Share your preferences—whether continuing to live at home with caregiver assistance, receiving meal delivery, or having meals prepared on-site.

Explore available services with guidance from healthcare professionals, social workers, or your local Area Agency or Council on Aging, which can provide a list of resources tailored to your needs.

For more information or to begin planning, call today for a free consultation