Some Raw Feelings and Thoughts About Death And Grief: A Guest Post

Blog  |  August 16, 2020

What does death teach us?

At some point in each of our lives, we will experience the death of a loved one. How does it affect us?  How do we process it?  How do you get through the grieving process and does it ever really end? These are questions I have asked myself.

The one big truth is that death will happen to each and every one of us and for most, we can never know when.

Grief is a personal experience. 

I already have been touched by the untimely death of more than one family member. It makes you question everything that you once knew to be true in your world.  Death affects each person so differently. Everyone deals, processes and learns how to deal with their new realities without their loved ones in their own way. Therefore, we need to allow each person their own space to go through this process with as much love, understanding and support (if it’s needed or wanted) as is necessary.

I think, despite the individual process for grieving, that we can all agree on how life-altering and how much of a roller coaster ride dealing with the death of a loved one is. There is no set timeline for grief;  no measurement or known path that grief follows.  It meanders through your life sometimes all-encompassing, sometimes sneaking up on you unexpectedly and sometimes just sitting in that place that you’ve reserved in your heart a place where it can rest.

Compassion, love, and appreciation are needed in the face of a pain that you never thought could exist.

Grieving the death of a loved one is a unique kind of pain. 

Loss is an internal pain. It is a pain different than the pain you feel when you cut yourself or the pain you feel when your body aches. Grief is different than the pain you feel when you give birth. It is a pain that pierces your heart and soul. It is a pain that I can only describe as possibly coming from the same place as the love you feel for your newborn child as the grief is something very raw and new.

The pain of grief is a feeling deep within that you never knew existed. The pain seems to be one that oddly is both love and sorrow at the same time. It is hard to describe, difficult to imagine where it starts and stops. Grief sometimes feels like the pain radiates to every part of your being, body and mind and then other times you can neatly tuck it away.

Time heals – but not completely. 

I would have to say that the pain does dissipate. I cannot pinpoint when exactly it became less overbearing but time
does do its magic and as each moment, minute, hour, day, week, month, and year passes it does not
ever completely go away but it becomes less all-encompassing and more bearable. It becomes
something you learn to live with.

The world does not stop; life keeps going, even if sometimes you feel like you’re in a different world, looking out at the earth, plants, water, people, things that used to be so familiar to you but know they seem off. Maybe it is you that is off, or maybe you just stepped into a type of clarity that happens very rarely; a place where you ‘see’ things differently.

This is how I felt at one point in my grief. It was very odd.

Grief gives you a fresh perspective on life and what really matters. 

While grieving, I found myself going about my normal daily activities but not really feeling like I was participating in the things I was doing. I was more of an observer of my own life.

After the death of a loved one, you come to realize the lack of control that you have over everything, the people you interact with, the nature around us, the buildings we’ve built, the cars we drive, the things that fill our lives and houses and above all else time. In these moments, I broke down crying. I remember feeling that none of this matters: the house, money, our jobs. The only thing that matters is the time spent with my husband, children and family. That’s it.

Death teaches you about love. 

Death is so imminent and what I have learned is that the most important things in life should be what I am spending every moment of my life on. in a word: love.

So this is the lesson death has taught me. To live and lead with love. To share your love with others and, of course, to love yourself.

By Michelle Rowe

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